Footprint Poem
Could I please have your ideas on how to improve this poem?
Living
Maureen B.
4/25/09
Blue water rolls up the coast
Footprints in the sand wash away
Sadness overwhelms me.
The water will soon become my host
It might happen this day
I float in the sea.
Water goes over my lips
And flows through my nostrils
My eyes close.
Thinking
Acting
Dying.
Awesome idea Jamie!! Thanks!
An absolutely beautiful poem David.
I like the mixture of vision and imagination in your poem. The first stanza is the best, but the second has much virtue in its stark use of the present tense in the last line. The third stanza reminds me of the song in The Tempest about shipwrecks: `…and of his bones are coral made; Look! Those are pearls that were his eyes.’ The third stanza is perhaps very literal, and some intensity of feeling may be lost because of this. The fourth stanza for me is not as good of an ending because it demands an undesirable intellectual exertion in what ought to be a straightforward poem.
If you do not mind, let me borrow your ideas– excuse me because this will not be so good as the original:
The broken waves which rolling up the coast
Whose waters wash away
The empty feet
They sometimes meet
Sometime may be my host
Or be my host today.
Sadness overwhelms me
To be a memory
Afloat upon the sea;
To see the memory
Which will embark from me.
To think; to act; to die;
Water comes over my lips;
Sorrowless to sigh:
And numbs my fingertips;
The waves are always nigh
That rock my bones
And may sometimes speed the passing ships.
Footprints
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Footprints Poem Night Light $15.58 “Footprints” Poem Night Light This stone resin nightlight will be a constant reminder to you of the poem it represents. Measures 5 1/2″ x 3 1/2″ and bulb is included. Has an on/off switch and says on the front “Footprints – when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you”. This poem actually originated as follows: Footprints in the Sand One night I dreamed I was walking … |
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Italian Duo-Tone Footprints LG (Bible Cover) $13.24 Duo-tone Construction with designed edge, debossed design featuring the Footprints poem, interior organizer with zippered pocket, credit card organizer, cell phone pocket, and pen pockets, and interio… |
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